Beyond Retaliation: Transforming Pain into Power
Retaliation is a cycle fueled by the illusion of personal offense, but in reality, it is often an impersonal exchange of energy, dictated by forces much larger than the individuals caught in its grip.
When I interned at a children’s psychiatric hospital in Chicago, I met a young man, about 15 years old, who was a frequent patient. We built a strong rapport, and he shared the reason for his recurring hospitalizations: the ongoing gang violence in his community had taken his friends and family, and he felt it was his duty to retaliate. When I asked him when the cycle would stop, he confirmed the tragic reality I already suspected—it wouldn’t end until no one was left. He saw no alternative, no peace talks, only pain. And because he knew his fate was inevitable, he struggled to accept it, leading to psychiatric breaks that brought him back to the hospital.
What saddens me most is that I don’t know if that young man is still alive today. His psychosis was an unconscious act of resistance. He didn’t want to be part of that cycle, but his life circumstances—including socioeconomic status and the way concepts of family and loyalty are structured in gang affiliations—forced him into survival decisions. His suffering wasn’t just a product of gang violence but of systemic neglect, poverty, and a world that didn’t offer him a way out. His mind broke under the weight of choices that weren’t really choices—just survival in a world that left him no real alternatives.
This cycle of retaliation is not unique to gang violence; we see it on a larger scale in our political climate, in global conflicts, in the way we are encouraged to engage with those who oppose us. The "us versus them" mentality is a system designed to keep us locked in reactionary states, where our energy is siphoned into endless battles that prevent true change.
But what if we chose differently? Choosing differently doesn’t mean being passive or running away. It means recognizing when we are being manipulated into personalizing an impersonal system of harm. It means shifting our focus from immediate retaliation to the root causes of oppression. It means redirecting our energy toward dismantling the structures that keep us in conflict rather than depleting ourselves in fights that serve no higher purpose.
When we retaliate, we stay bound to the system that created the harm in the first place. When we redirect, we reclaim our energy and use it to dismantle the conditions that make retaliation seem like the only option. The key is not to absorb the harm but to transform it, to refuse to be a conduit for destruction, and to instead become a force for something greater.
There is power in choosing not to participate in a game designed for our destruction. There is strength in recognizing that the real battle is not with the person in front of us but with the systems that make us believe we must destroy each other to survive. True revolution lies in the refusal to be manipulated into reactionary violence. It lies in the ability to hold onto our energy and direct it toward the actual fight—the fight for justice, for healing, for a world where retaliation is no longer the default response to harm.
