The Sky Rains Shoes: Practicing Non-Judgmental Observation
Earlier this month, I found myself researching various countries to move to. It began as a panicky search, driven by uncertainty, but quickly became a fascinating discovery. I identified which values—human rights, civil liberties, personal freedoms—are most important to me. As I explored different countries, their laws, and their cultures, I allowed the search to reflect back who I am. While no single country could ever fully align with me in every way, I was surprised to find places I’d never considered that actually resonated deeply with my values.
Just so you know, I’m not moving. But this exploration helped me focus my activism and advocacy efforts right here in the U.S. I already live my values daily, but what’s been most striking in the past few weeks is how many people, across the world, share those same values. Instead of feeling isolated, I began to feel more connected to humanity, heartened by protests and billboards in faraway lands championing the power of the people. Coming to this realization wasn’t a Jedi mind trick—it was actually a technique I teach often, directly and indirectly.
There is an old Taoist parable, that a couple of you brought back to my attention, about a farmer whose horse runs away. His neighbors express their sympathy, saying how unfortunate it is. The farmer simply responds, "Let's see." The next day, the horse returns, bringing several wild horses with it. The neighbors celebrate his luck, but again, he says, "Let's see." Then, his son breaks his leg while trying to tame one of the horses. The neighbors bemoan the misfortune, but the farmer remains neutral: "Let's see." Soon after, the army comes to draft young men for war, but his son is spared due to his injury. Once more, the farmer meets the situation with, "Let's see."
This story illustrates a principle that many of us struggle with: non-judgmental observation. Instead of labeling events as "good" or "bad," the farmer acknowledges that every event unfolds into the next, in ways we often can't predict.
Many of us live with persistent anxiety, constantly bracing for "the other shoe to drop." When anyone says this to me, I ask how many shoes are anticipated, it's never just one. It's a never-ending cascade! Anxiety rarely stops at one bad event—it constructs an ongoing cycle of dread. In reality, the world is not a place where a single shoe drops and then we exhale peacefully. The sky rains shoes!
But if everything is in motion—if cause and effect ripple across generations, if the earth keeps rotating, if no state is ever truly fixed—why do we treat uncertainty as inherently negative? Perhaps we simply do not know how to healthily manage or accept the things that happen…
Instead of trying to predict or control what comes next, we can learn to practice non-judgmental observation. This is a core skill in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It means witnessing experiences without immediately categorizing them as some drastic binary — good or bad, right or wrong. It means accepting events as they come, without rushing to assign them meaning.
Now, let’s be clear: This is about uncertainty and anxiety—not harm. If you’re in a situation of violence, oppression, or abuse, you don’t have to “wait and see” or find the silver lining. Some situations require action, boundaries, and getting to safety—not radical acceptance. But if what you’re facing is the everyday uncertainty of being a human in a chaotic world, this approach can help.
How to Practice Non-Judgmental Observation
Notice without reacting: When something unexpected happens, resist the urge to label it. Instead of "This is terrible," try "This is happening." The acceptance of reality will minimize denial and better prepare us for healthy action.
Acknowledge without assigning blame: Instead of "Why does this always happen to me?" try "This is part of life’s unfolding." Life is a journey and we are evolving. Assigning blame makes us hold onto pain.
See the bigger picture: Recognize that what seems unfortunate now may lead to unexpected growth. What seems beneficial now may later present challenges and also lead to unexpected growth. (See evolution statement above.)
Stay present: Instead of catastrophizing the future, focus on managing what is happening now with openness and curiosity.
While right and wrong are moral judgments, it's important to validate that our instinct to categorize events as good or bad is a survival mechanism. The human brain seeks patterns to create safety and stability. Suspending judgment can feel scary and vulnerable, as if we are left open to be attacked. It’s natural to want to protect, for preservation. But the goal isn’t to erase this instinct; it's to develop a balanced approach for protection and preservation of your mind. Instead of rushing to conclusions out of fear, and therefore making fear-based decisions (which will usually always have unwanted outcomes), we can practice intentional responses that guide us toward meaningful next steps.
Wise Mind: Balancing Emotion and Logic
Sticking with DBT, the modality introduces the concept of Wise Mind, which integrates both our emotional reactions and rational thinking. Instead of making big decisions based solely on emotions, Wise Mind allows us to pause, assess, and respond with clarity.
Emotional Mind reacts impulsively, driven by feelings and urges. This is where behaviors like addiction and infidelity come from.
Reasonable Mind is logical but may ignore emotions, making choices that feel detached, cold, calculated, or uninspired. Welcome to Analysis Paralysis.
Wise Mind blends both, ensuring that decisions align with our values while acknowledging our emotions without being ruled by them. The word intuition is also appropriate here.
Examples
Job loss: This leaves you available to explore jobs that better align with your updated skills or true interests. Instead of spiraling into panic, observe: "This is happening. I don’t yet know what this will lead to." Then, use Wise Mind to evaluate your next steps.
Receiving unexpected good news: Enjoy the feeling! But don’t convince yourself it will last forever—no emotion does. Just appreciate it for what it is while it lasts.
A relationship ending: This is an opportunity to reflect on how the connection shaped you and how you want to move forward. Instead of declaring it a disaster, note: "This is painful. And I don’t yet know where this path leads." Wise Mind can help you decide what lessons to carry forward.
The goal isn't detachment, apathy, or indifference, but rather a steadiness that allows us to move with life instead of resisting it and harming ourselves. The sky may rain shoes, but we don’t have to live in fear of every drop! We can simply observe and say, "Let's see."
BTW, I haven’t stopped researching. I have no interest in living through fascism anywhere! By using Wise Mind, I can calmly plan holistically. I’m not making panic-driven decisions, nor am I ignoring reality. I’m staying aware, staying engaged, and making intentional choices— and I encourage you to do the same. The sky may rain shoes, so we may as well find our size shoe and wear the hell out of it.
