Freedom & Truth

I inked my traps in 2009 when I started my sobriety journey in earnest. I’d had moments of sobriety before, but it was usually to ‘dry out’ after some colossal (and completely avoidable) wreck. Eventually, I’d start using again because I didn’t have enough tools or skills to refrain. I engaged in self-destructive behaviors until it crescendoed to another crisis. The cycle repeated like that for years.

The shame of returning to destructive habits was like begging an abusive ex to come back. I hated myself and was convinced that I was too weak to do anything different. Shame reinforced my behavior; I dug a deeper hole. I could barely stand to view myself in the mirror after a while, which is why I chose to get tattoos in places where I had to look at myself to see them.

The daily whispering of Freedom and Truth were a mantra, a battle cry to keep crawling through the mud instead of dying in it. The lapses became fewer in the years following. First, three months sobriety followed by a binge. Then six months. Every time I lapsed, I learned something new and tried again. Now when people ask me how long I’ve been on this recovery journey, I honestly don't keep track. I shifted my focus away from the losses and towards the victories. I have more wins now and I attribute that to the clear-minded focus of sobriety.

I came to realize that addiction isn't confined to party scenes, bars, or specific triggers. It lurks in unexpected places, particularly within relationships where another person can become a substitute for a substance, or in actions such as excessive shopping, endless scrolling, or overeating.

We’ll discuss addiction, addictive behavior, and more in the Inner Strength Recovery Network every Wednesday at 6pm PT. Learn more and join us.